Today I feel so very much in love. I love the man that came into my life four years ago and with each day my love grows for him even more. He has become so much of my life. As I cleaned the house today all I could think about is marrying him, making him mine forever. I have so many insecurities within myself from my past and I will get over them at some point in my life. I have such a fear of this wonderful man finding a woman that is "better" than me, a woman that my catch his eye. He is the best man for me and I can feel it within my heart. As I lay next to him I can feel this feeling that I can't even describe, I guess a feeling of peace. The love inside of me is so strong that as I type this tears come to my eyes, tears of happiness. I always go back to the day I fell back in love with this wonderful man, the day I wanted to kick myself because I had been selfish and let this man leave out of my life. I will never again let him leave, I will always fight for him, and I will always better myself for him. You are stuck with me forever Durand and noone will ever have the power to change that.......

And my adoption circle becomes bigger.......

     I met a woman today that reminded me of you, well she actually reminded me of me. It all started when I was talking with this woman at work about why I majored in Psychology and what I want to do with my life. I told her, " I want to work in adoption" and that seemed to have shaken her. She asked me, "Why adoption?" and I said, "because I want to work with birthmothers because I am a birthmother". She began to cry and explained to me that she too is a birthmother of 29 years. She was 13 when she had a baby and they told her they were going to give the baby a bath and she never saw him again until two years ago. Even with being reunited with her baby boy after all of the pain she walk with she continues to have pain. I could see the pain in her soul because it poured out of her eyes. Her eyes were so soft, tired, and hurt. She talked about her happiness when finally meeting her little boy but the tears still came and her eyes still very sad. I saw a woman today that had a more difficult adoption story than I, a woman that has so much more pain inside of herself than I, but we still felt a connection that will now have us tied together. Even if I don't have contact with her after today I will always hurt for her, think of her, and love her. She has walked a very hard road and she is still attempting to find peace after reunification but she is still so very strong. She made me sad for you baby girl. She made me emotional, but she made me happy. Happy that I have had the chances of watching you grow from a distance, the chance of knowing where you live, and a chance to have a relationship with your mommy. Baby girl this woman made me think of you all day today, this beautiful holiday I had the chance of enjoying with your brothers and sisters and in a way enjoying it with you. I got to enjoy with you because you were so in the front of my mind and heavy on my heart but I continue to be greatful for you. She gave me even more faith about you wanting me, wanting me for you, I believe we will be together one day and she made me believe that even more so today. I have never known another birthmother other than the two I was side by side with when they went through it AFTER me and the ladies I know from online messaging/support groups. Today I got the pleasure of getting to know a woman that was a birthmother way before my time of becoming a birthmother and to see her pain and her happiness gave me a great feeling. I love you honey and we will be together once more..........