It is crazy to think about 15 years going by. It is crazy to think that 15 years ago today I was about to carry out the hardest choice I have ever made in my life. 15 years ago I grew up a lot quicker than most girls my age at that time........
15 years ago I placed my first, most beautiful baby with a "Forever Family". I did what I felt was best for her and it is something that I still believe all these years later. This journey has been emotional, the most emotional thing I have EVER had to deal with, but I pray it has been well worth all of my ups and downs. I will never really know if the choice I made was right, I will never really know the "what ifs" and that is why we should cancel out any "what ifs", "should of", or "would of"......we don't know the answers to those and no matter how much we ask ourselves these questions we will NEVER have the answers to those questions.
15 years of people bringing me up and bringing me down....."you are so strong" or "how could you ever give away your child". 15 years of reading books of sorrow and books of joy. Reading psychological thoughts on seperation at birth.....all of these things made me happy, sad, angry, and I would cry, laugh, or just go for walks with the wants to destroy things.
This journey has been a struggle, heartbreaking, heartwarming, and loving. This journey will never be over but I hope it will always get better with more understanding. This journey has been amazing because I have experianced many emotions of life in just one descision. This journey has been lonely but at the same time full of love and support.
15 years ago a beautiful angel entered this world. A baby that turned into an amazingly beautiful young woman. She is soooo smart and talented. She is more than I could ask for her to be.
15 years ago life was created.....and 15 years ago on this little girls birthday a gift was given to a family......the gift of a life to raise as their own and do the best they possibly are able to do. 15 years ago I gave and trusted my heart with a Man and a Woman I barely knew......15 years later I know I gave my heart to a Man and a Woman that could do I better job than me, they love and care for my heart in such a gentle way.
Today 15 years after giving birth to my first child and letting her go I have to give thanks.....thanks to my supporters, thanks to the children I have living with me now that love their sister they have yet to meet.....to the people that put me down and made me fight for myself to understand my own decision.....AND TO THE MOST AMAZING MAN AND WOMAN I COULD HAVE EVER ASKED TO MEET........
15 years ago today was a beautiful day..........15 years from now I wonder what I will be writting........
